When giving feedback it’s very easy just give out requests. For example during code reviews you might say:

This variable name is difficult to read. Please change it to something more readable.

Or to refer to known heuristics:

This code does not follow the Don’t Repeat Yourself (DRY) principle. Please remove duplicate code.

While it may sound simple, I think this sort of feedback is just a way of giving others more work.

What is missing here is an attempt to help or support the person you are giving feedback to. If you know how to make things better, show how it can be done: give an example or offer help.

In case of our code review example this can be a matter of adding code suggestions or doing a pair programming session together.

Not only will this allow the other person to learn fast, it will allow you to improve your relationship (and probably allow you to learn something along the way).

If you don’t do this and the person didn’t apply your feedback correctly, there is some responsibility on you as your feedback might not have been helpful.

Of course there are cases where your feedback might have been perfect and it didn’t work out. It’s a two way street so both sides need to make an effort. But let’s focus on the feedback giving side here.

What if the person just doesn’t have the space to address all of your feedback? What if applying the feedback in their current situation is very challenging?

As a feedback giver, we need to acknowledge the situation of the person receiving feedback.

If you think that it’s easy to apply in their situation, show how it’s done. Or if you fail to do it, acknowledge the difficulty and work together on how it can be achieved. If you don’t do that there is a chance that you are just being an armchair quarterback - a person who watches a football and gives an opinion on team’s decisions while lacking professional expertise.

Of course you may lack time to jump straight into helping, in that case find someone who can help. If you can’t do that, allow the feedback recipient to decide if they want to follow your feedback and save your expectations for yourself.

I really like how Netflix’s CTO approaches it:

  • Everybody is held to the same standard. If you don’t do the thing you ask others to do, why would they do it?
  • When giving feedback, give specific steps that the person needs to do to achieve what you ask for in your feedback
  • Help the feedback receiver in filling in those steps. For example when Netflix’s CTO found out a document could have been better. They would not only give feedback, but also jump into that document and help in making it better.

Next time you give feedback, think whether you are even able to show how it’s done yourself.

If you do, set an example and help the person to apply your feedback.

If you don’t - check if you are not an armchair quarterback and work on that skill yourself (perhaps together with the person that you originally wanted to give feedback to).